if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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