I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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