My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
