I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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