i jhust puked up my retainher.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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