how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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