The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
