i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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