I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize