I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
