Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
