I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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