do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
