I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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