Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
