Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
