my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
