White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
