he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
