I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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