you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
