This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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