Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
