This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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