i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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