Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
