i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
