You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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