I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
