recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
