I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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