Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize