420 ftw
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
