ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
