If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
