There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
