All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
