Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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