Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
