OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
