He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
