If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize