haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Congratulations! We have a period
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
