the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
