There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
