Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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