i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
