Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
