Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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