i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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