I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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