There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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