I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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