im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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