the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
