thus making me awesome and them whores
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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