I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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