that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
