If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
