Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
