Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina is officially offended.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
