i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
