He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The adults are the big ones right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
