I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
