Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
