And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
