we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
