I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dignity is for republicans.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
