The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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