Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
jump out the window naked night went bad
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