I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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