smell my finger.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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