No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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