i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
