I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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