New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
