I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
