Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
