After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
