you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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