On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
