giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
so much tequila, so little girl.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
tell me about the fingering
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