The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
