i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
