OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
