$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
