No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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