why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
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