I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
