ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
