Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
