my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
