so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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