She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
