Just cropdusted the office
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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