idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
be right there i have to get my cape
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize