I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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