that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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