No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
