i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
