so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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