I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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