babies were throwing up all over the place
Who did Billy Mays play for?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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