I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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