He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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