i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
