I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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