I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize