You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize