He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
