I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
