i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
