Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
