Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize