i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
