I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
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