Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
