i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize