I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
So squirting runs in the family.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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