So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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