Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
