those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
