i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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