It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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