He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
