Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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